PorcoTrade™ News

I can't keep this a secret any longer - things have officially gotten out of control! The security system is going berserk, there are strange sounds echoing in the halls, and... SOMETHING seems to be trying to come through the Pays Distorter - the room is LITERALLY GLOWING. I don't even know who's left to help; most of the other employees are missing. I did manage to find a couple of remaining tech support people to see if anything can be done. They've managed to shut off the stocks system, which should help slow down the process, but that's just a temporary measure. The tech people seem to think that we might be able to create some kind of device, which would we can use to try to reverse the process! I'm not really sure how that works, but we have to do something. If it works, we'll be heroes! If not, well...

If not, hopefully someone will remain to tell our stories.

So I'm from the PT tech team... I just woke up, and it seems like I'm currently locked out of the system...? Our equipment logged a huge energy spike last night right around the time this all seems to have started, and all data related to Big Ben seems to have vanished and been replaced with garbage.

We're looking into it, we should be able to get control of the system with a little clever engineering, but it might take a bit of doing. It seems like for now you can still trade stocks, but the legal department has told me to tell you to please be careful and proceed at your own risk, and that we're "not responsible for any effects on investors' portfolios should they choose to maintain an open position," whatever that means.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. EVERYTHING IS FINE, IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.

• BubblyOasis lead us through the deepest parts of our minds, as well as an Onett under siege, in search of some Zexonyte! In the depths of the Sea of Eden, multiple Krakens were found, which seem to have jumped realities into Eagleland, causing a boom for TESI, and fresh ingredients for any chefs in Summers brave enough to seek them out!
• ROBOTS STOLE OUR CANDY ROBOTS STOLE OUR PIZZA ROBOTS ROBOTS ROBOTS
• After completing the base GPP events, we were taken on a world tour, leading to multiple changes in the markets - DRUG, ZZZ, ARMS, and PHN were especially impacted!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk! Also, it looks like as of the time of writing, the system is now updating stocks every THREE HOURS! Wow, how exciting and not at all an indication of things being way out of control!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval. Gwaaaaaaargh.

Uh... Ok, not sure who, if anyone will see this, but... I have concerns. During GPP... 10? Big Ben was utilized to help run a stream. Sure, he's not designed to do that, but it seemed to work! Except that afterwards, any time we tried to get a stocks analysis? He'd just respond, in text, with [The terms have changed.] Which, uh, okay? That's a strange error message, but it gets weirder from there. During GPP 13, after a certain point, Big Ben just... stopped. He's a major part of the system that updates the stocks during the streams, so that system went down too! I grabbed one of the software specialists, and when we checked the Virtual Machine he's stored on? It was empty! Big Ben has been missing! Yes, missing! No, I don't understand how - Especially after GPP 14, this last one? Because the Stocks were updating! Network data shows the Big Ben account doing it! The empty VM is showing data output! I sent an email to my boss, who just said - and I quote - "Don't worry about it. Gwaaaaaaargh." That's. They typed that, that's not a cough or anything. And the worst part? We've been getting concerned emails from various heads of the Porcorations! Like one, supposedly from someone claiming to be the actual Dr. Andonuts, screaming about "Stolen tech used in the Pays Distorter", and "Converging Worldlines"! Luckily, the Treasure Hunt seems to have distracted everyone at Starmen.net, but I don't know how long that's going to last. And I have no idea what to do, or who to tell! This is all a prank, right? People are messing with me, right?

Earthbound... Is just a game... Right?

Everything is going great here at the PorcoTrade™ News Desk, and nothing has gone wrong! We Promise.™

• RadioPSI hosts continue to dazzle with Cyan683 effortlessly hosting a GPP with two sanctuary locations. No sweat!
• PorcBanc™ representatives were thrilled to see the return of the Radio PSI Treasure Hunt after a 10-year hiatus. The treasure hunt is still ongoing until the end of the funfest, so be sure to check it out!
• Due to limited connectivity in the Lost Underworld, stock updates were yet again limited during this GPP. PorcBanc™ would like to assure our audience that these events are completely expected and that we definitely HAVE NOT lost control of any crucial systems relating to stock updates, and even if we had lost control of said systems, it definitely wouldn't really have any bad effects, so everything is fine, and please do not ask us any further questions, we have everything under control, nothing weird is happening, thank you, please stop asking about it, it's fine, it's gonna be ok, I promise, I hope

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

ALERT! ALL HANDS ON DECK! EVERYONE TO THE TRADING STATIONS!

We have BREAKING NEWS to announce about the STATE OF AFFAIRS on PorcoTrade™. From "Humble Beginnings", PorcBanc™ began with a dream; A dream to inspire 100 individuals to take risks, make decisions, and increase shareholder value. Today, on August 21st, 2024, the PorcoTrade™ correspondence unit is thrilled to announce... we have made this dream come TRUE! For ourselves!

Having seen our newest account holder stumble through our doors, all fear, uncertainty, doubt, and thoughts of jurisprudence melted away like a bad dream. While this feat could NOT have been accomplished without the participation of TALENTED INVESTORS like yourselves, we cannot overstate how important it is to us that we celebrate this milestone of corporate success.

As a token of our gratitude, we have awarded our 100th user "SOLACE" the incredible sum of $100 ELD, no strings attached, to invest back into the Premium PorcoTrade™ Economy Chamber™ (Or EcoChamber™ for short), ensuring that our wonderful business partners across Eagleland can rest assured that this incredible occasion will keep generating profits for all.

We're thrilled to be here, and can reaffirm our commitment to make sure YOU (the person reading this) always knows that PorcoTrade™ keeps YOUR MONEY top of mind.

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

We're as happy as a pig in mud to bring you the latest dispatches of timely, up-to-the-minute, always-fresh, never-delayed Pork Market news!

• PorcBanc™ was very happy to see our TOP EARNER join as the HOST for Gameplay Point 13. We hope you were all able to tune in and catch the incredibly informative financial wisdom he dispensed! For those of you struggling to make a profit, take heed to his advice! Due to concerns over potential allegations of insider trading, most market movements were frozen during this time.
• Showing his COMMITMENT TO SUCCESSFUL SPIRIT, our top earner masterfully and skillfully performed a grind for the rare Sword of Kings! We can't say anything about what our engineers may have observed through the lens of the Pays Distorter, but we hear the grind continues in a parallel dimension somewhere...
• We hope you all enjoyed the radio segments, including a LIVE READING of the longest joke in the world — the ending truly is worth it! Don't forget to submit your stories featuring the stream's SECRET WORDS, as well as your radio ad submissions, for BONUS Eagleland Dollars shipped directly to your PorcoTrade™ account!

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

This update may be a little late, but you know what they say: "better late than never"! We're committed to bringing you all the stock news, no matter how small!

• We saw some volatile activity from Brick Road Dungeon Construction (DNGN) as news reached the markets of company founder Brick Road's successful endeavor to transform himself into a dungeon. Investors were initially extremely impressed by the company's accomplishments, but later, as Dungeon Man became stuck in some palm trees, the lack of flexibility on display caused investors' sentiments to sour.
• Saturn's Peanut Cheese Bar Factory (STRN) suffered multiple hostile takeover attempts as the defunct company Belch's Treats and Confections (BLCH) made an attempt to reestablish itself as Eagleland's premier candy company. Fortunately, the Mr. Saturns were able to put a stop to this vomitous behavior!
• PorcBanc™ has recently been made aware of the "Tenda", a previously-uncontacted tribe in the Deep Darkness, who don't seem to be familiar with the concept of money. We're always looking to introduce the light of capitalism and Eagleland Dollars to new markets, so this is great news for us!

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

PorcBanc™ is back at it again bringing you the PRIME RIB cuts of crop! And by PRIME RIB we mean best! And by crop we mean news!

• Investors of DRUG Compounding Pharmacies (DRUG) and Enrich Flavor Enterprises (FLVR) were taken for a wild ride on the market yesterday, with enterprising entrepreneurs causing skyrocketing highs, and ruinous lows, due to something reports are calling the "Rock Candy Glitch". Rumors are swirling about exactly what happened to cause the markets to suddenly crash from the highs they reached during this GPP, but one thing is for sure: We sure wish Eagleland had a stock for dentistry corporations!
• In lighter news, Toto Aqua Taxis (TOTO) saw their stock price rise, then fall, then rise again after a terrifying sea beast was felled with the help of some young upstarts! Rumor has it that Cryptid Expeditions (TESI) holders also saw some small gains after the mythological beast was spotted, clearing the way for more tourists to safely travel to Scaraba.
• Scarabian Expeditions (PMID) holders held on tight as a tumultuous series of events unfolded, beginning with a newfound stream of tourists who managed to crack the mystery of the pyramid in the desert. Investors were not too happy to see the prized "Hawk eye" stolen from the crypt, however...
• And finally, fans and investors of Brick Road Dungeon Construction (DNGN) rejoiced as their beloved CEO Brick Road pulled off an incredible feat of bio-engineering! In spite of accusations to the contrary, we here at PorcoTrade™ firmly believe that Pride comes before the fall (of cash!!). We look forward to seeing more incredible results from DNGN in the near future.

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Never trust anyone else but PorcBanc™ for EXCLUSIVE coverage of the Earthbound Funktastic Gameplay Summer!

• It was a chaotic day for the market and the stream! Things began normally with reasonable increases in DRUG Compounding Pharmacies (DRUG), and Clandestine Surplus Inc. and investors in the health care sector made tidy sums off of increases to InvestiHealth Medical as a group of kids took to the sewer to clean up the (under)streets!
• COLLECTOR'S ALERT. Rumour has it that Eagleland's most famous star and the jewel of Fourside, Venus, gave a highly-valued collector's item to a group of fans who happened to wander backstage after a show. Details are unclear at this time, but trusted sources suggest you won't want to "slip" on future opportunities like these!
• Intergalactic forces of evil weren't the only thing that daunted our hosts this week, as reporters covering GPP 10 remarked some unusual connection issues resulting in an emergency backup broadcast being required by the Events Coordination team of Starmen.net.
• For legal reasons, PorcBanc™, Inc. and its related subsidiaries cannot acknowledge, endorse, excuse, explain, describe, confirm or deny the presence of a "L̶̹̱̘̲̩̦̤͈͑̍̇̊̔̂͋̉͐͝͠A̶̱͎͚͚̠͍̝̫͔͎̹̩̗̠̟̞͂̈R̶̛͙̦̳̯͙̘͆̽͑̈̆̈͐̇͌̍͑͘͠͝G̷̫͎̠̳̗̹̘̩͕̤̹̳̜͚̪̎̏̆͋̂͂̉̐͋͒̃̕͘̚Ȅ̴̻̺̹͛̾̐̎͑̿ͅ ̶̧̡̝͓͍̬͇̗̝̼̲̗̹͓̘͚͈͈͒B̷̺̹͎͕̠̣̯̍̍͑͒͘͝ͅḜ̶̯̫͇̫̳̬̲̗̮̘̞̦̮̟̤̖͍̚͜͜Ņ̴̠̻̟̦͙̜͕͚̬̯̲͎̱̞̭̞̫̫̎͛̾̽̈́̆̇́͆̒̾̈́̌̚̕͠J̷̢̯̲̻̜̘͙̼̤̭̏̈̄̀́̓̾͊̈́͘͠͝͠Ā̴̧̛͕͔̤̯̙̖̬̯̖̳͈̖̠͒̋̑̈̓̊̏̎̀̂͊̇̀́̃̌͒̇̚͜ͅM̸̛͙̟̖̦͙̳̻̪̰̤̹̈͂̉͂̔̐̾͌̑́̓͜͝İ̶̡̢̨͙͍̰̦͙̮̹͖̹̝̞̰͙̃̍͆͐̊͌̔̈́̃͒͆̀̅̌̍̋̃͆̕͘͜Ǹ̸̮͍̙̥̬̎̒̓̆̋̒̀̀̈́̋̆̚͘͠ ̵͕͇̲͎͎̞̙̀̃́͌̏̊͛̉̎̉̓͆͜͠" appearing at any point during the Funktastic Gameplay Summer.

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

PorcBanc™ would like to stress that we do not advocate consumption of ketchup cake.

• Some of you may have noticed a smiling circle in the bottom right corner of the webpage. That's INTY, your new AI-powered companion! INTY utilizes only the most cutting-edge AI technology to bring you personalized tips for maximizing profits! Click on them to try it out today!
• Since the dissolution of Monotoli Enterprises (MNTL), Enrich Flavor Enterprises (FLVR) has taken its place. Enrich Flavor was the mayor of Fourside before being usurped by Monotoli. After many sleepless nights at Jackie's Café, Flavor says he's happy to be back. Upon questioning, Monotoli says he's "found God" and has come to his senses. He apologizes for his actions.
• Hint Man's services have been purchased four times last night! As such, the worth of Hint Man's Hint Booth (HINT) has been upped a cumulative of $175!

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Welcome everyone. It's time for some certified fresh™ news!

• Real estate agency LieNCheat (LNC) has finally made a sale on a house! A group of children with seemingly too much money on their hands have pooled their savings together and purchased a property off the coast of Onett for $7500, meaning a HUGE SPIKE for the company; one of the largest we've seen! Although, what was described as an "ocean view" has turned out to be a gaping hole in the back wall of the residence... while technically this can't be classified as false advertising, news of this incident caught on fast, and the worth of LNC dropped as quickly as it rose.
• Corporate giant Monotoli Enterprises (MNTL) momentarily rebranded to Moonside Enterprises (MOON) last night, further supporting the theory that Monotoli has some relation to the rumors surrounding the strange psychedelic dimension known as "Moonside". Geldegarde Monotoli refuses to comment.
• BURGER ALERT! Some enterprising young business men found a way to kickstart an upstart startup burger-based side hustle in the middle of the desert! I'm sure we could all learn a thing or two from them! Reports suggest Escargo Express (ESCX) stocks rose considerably as a result of them acting as a middleman between the customers and their delicious, vintage sandwiches.

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Happy Tuesday, all. It's news time. Not to be confused with olds time.

• An unlikely love story has blossomed in the dusty dunes of the desert! Two formerly estranged sesame seeds have learned to love again. $200 ELD has been deposited into the PorcoTrade™ accounts of all users who submitted fanart for this lovely couple (with the exception of one special user who specifically requested we subtract funds from their account). We're so proud of them!
• Montague Mining (MM) has seen a massive spike, as the Montague brothers have unearthed a gorgeous diamond valued at approximately $1,000,000 ELD! Rumor has it that it was used to pay off the once-debilitating debt of traveling band The Runaway Five! Quite the lucky break!
• Let's go gambling! The Sanchez Brothers three have opened up shop in Dusty Dunes, offering their gaming services to kids, grown-ups, and even young women! We witnessed some very fortunate players win BIG just last night! Viewers who proclaimed "LET'S GO GAMBLING!" after the big win were awarded $250 each!

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

We'd inject the news into your veins if we could! But we can't. Yet™.

• A trio of young miscreants have broken into the facility housing the products of Belch's Treats and Confections (BLCH), subsequently taking down the CEO, Master Belch. As it turns out, he was responsible for Threed's zombie infestation. PorcBanc™ wishes to stress that we were not aware of this and do not condone his actions. Guess we're not getting that hot fly honey any time soon... Anyhow, the local Saturns have started running their own operations within the factory, their primary focus being on the mass production of their signature peanut cheese bars. Saturn's Peanut Cheese Bar Factory (STRN) is now open for business 24/7!
• Citizens of Threed can finally see the sky again as the once-stagnant clouds above the town have parted. Speculation amongst the townsfolk suggest this is due to the elimination of the zombies and all associated parties. "I was having trouble selling my wares 'cause people were too scared to cross the street! Not often I say something like this, but we have only the Zombie Relief Corps to thank for bringing this humble town back to its former glory. Hopefully business will be 'BOOM'ing again... heh heh." Our interviewee wishes to remain anonymous.
• In other news, LieNCheat Real Estate (LNC) has been steadily decreasing since its inception, sitting at $243 per share. Our research department predicts it'll continue this downward trend, lest anything changes. We'd hate to see this company go under, folks, but that's business!

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Another lovely stream from the lovely people at Starmen.Net! We have a few updates for you all as usual!

• Threed's local Zombie Relief Corps (ZMBI) has been prospering since the deployment of "Zombie Paper", Apple Kid's newest invention. The zombies of the area have all been glued to the circus tent in the middle of town overnight! Apple Kid of Apple Kid's Inventions (APPL) has additionally received dividends, as the invention was his, after all.
• An anonymous source has informed us that the slimy little vomit pile guarding Threed's Underground Road has been swiftly defeated, meaning a rather significant drop for Belch's Treats & Confections (BLCH). We speculate that this "mini barf" was an employee under the supervision of Master Belch, the owner.
• Due to the actual delivery of a pizza, Mach Pizza (MACH) received a small boost in revenue! It's seen a dip since last night's update, but it's still holding up strong at $716 ELD. Rumors have arisen that the company is pursuing collaboration efforts with Belch's Treats & Confections (BLCH) to add Belch's Hot Fly Honey to the menu! We'd also like to acknowledge that the pizza ordered contained pulled pork! Way to show your support for PorcBanc™!

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Alright, everyone! Time for another dose of the NEWS!

• Foggylands Drug Compounding Pharmacies (DRUG) market is way down, seemingly coinciding with a decrease in local wildlife, and a flood of questionable third party baked goods hitting the market - At the time of this writing, DRUG is down all the way to $365! However, as we shift back towards Eagleland and more familiar shores, this should be an excellent time to invest!
• Following on that information, another market that seems to have dropped significantly is InvestiHealth Medical (MEDI) - Perhaps due to a lack of injuries, which is particularly lucky due to the lack of hospitalization services in the area around the Snow Woods Boarding School. PorcoTrade™ legal would also like to issue a disclosure that while we are not, and should not be considered a source of medical advice, likewise we do not condone drinking tea as a replacement for professional medical care.
• Finally, in regards to a group that have had a -very- good day, the Cryptid Expeditions (TESI) group has met with a massive increase! After getting actual high quality photos of the local cryptid Tessie, which was long thought to be impossible, people are flocking to the lake in hopes of encountering the creature for themselves! A massive influx of financial support for marine biology means good things for the market - and we're passing those benefits on to you!

Despite strongly objecting to claims of captured families, PorcBanc™ would like to thank epoch5zz, our streamer, for a fantastic adventure! If you missed it live, worry not - check out the stream archive on YouTube! Thank you, and stay tuned!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Valued Investors,

The statement released yesterday from Andonuts Invention & Innovation LLC is based completely in falsehood. The Pays Distorter is a wholly original PorcBanc™ design, and any similarity to Andonuts designs from this or any other worldline is entirely coincidental.

PorcBanc™ prides itself in being on the bleeding edge of finance technology, and would never jeopardize the relationships we've built with our customers to use questionable and untested inventions.

We trust that our recent partnership with Starmen.Net makes it clear that we aim to provide the greatest CrypticCurrency based experiences in Eagleland or your world. Put your faith in us, and we'll keep working to bring home the bacon.

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

[expunged]

Valued Investors,

We have heard your demands for more opportunities for financial growth, and have made the decision to harness the creative energy produced by today's Mother Direct in order to increase the frequency of Eagleland stock symbol updates.

While the PorcoTrade™ Technology Team is very proud of this update, the Pays Distorter that allows this system to work requires YOUR creativity! Every time you invoke the spirit of EarthBound in your fan works, the link between Eagleland and reality grows stronger, and PorcBanc™ repays your efforts in freshly mined CrypticCurrency!

Thanks for being a part of this exciting new paradigm in monetization, and we look forward to continuing to grow the reach of PorcoTrade™ tool with your help! With the combined efforts of Starmen.Net and PorcBanc™, anything is possible!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Strap in, everybody! We've got you covered for another day of news-news-news!

• Giant mole terrorizing the townspeople of Happy Happy Village has been bested by a boy and a girl in a cave east of the town. Peaceful Rest Postcards (PCE) has since seen a bountiful boost in business, shooting up by $213!
• A series of hospitalizations—likely ensued from that mole—has led to an increase in use of InvestiHealth Medical (MEDI)'s services. However, alternative remedial facilities are popping up around Eagleland, taking business away from InvestiHealth! So goes the free market, folks!
• As travelling band The Runaway Five forge their path to the neighboring town of Threed, people of Twoson are wondering why they're still paying for bus fare. Grey Hand Lines (GHB) takes a hit from a declining customer base, but they're still trucking along (bussing, rather) sufficiently, and their company is currently valued at $401 a share.

Additionally, Jack, GPP 3's host, completely neglected to implement our pink borders in his stream layout. This is in complete violation of our agreement with Starmen.Net, but we forgive them! We remain very grateful about our partnership.

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

As many of you may have noticed, one particularly canny investor has managed to outperform even the wildest early predictions of PorcoTrade™ associates! After agreeing to an interview, local investor Nightshade had this to say:

1. You can get ahead of the curve if you can predict what is going to happen in the market and act upon it before it becomes reality. Investing and waiting for results coming in the next day or few hours can only get you so far. The freshest the news, the most likely that you can capitalize on small windows of opportunity.
2. Though a varied portfolio can help you spread your reach on a long term, there are times when you must acknowledge the need to go all in. Remember: the more stocks you have on a value, the bigger the differential when the value changes. If you anticipate a business is about to boom, don't hesitate. Be careful, the same rule applies when a business crashes.
3. The most basic of rule is you have to ask yourself: Will this business obtain monetary value shortly? If so, you should invest before the cash rolls in. Will this business about to lose value either by selling at a loss, losing money or lose an opportunity to make money? If so, better hurry and stay clear before your money takes the hit. If you're not sure something will actually happen, always go with your gut feeling. If you're wrong, you can always correct the course after since PorcoTrade™ doesn't take a cut from your transactions (statement correct as of July 25th 2024).

Bonus: Experiments is the key to knowledge and knowledge is the key to success. If you're not sure what an event of the world might impact a business, observing is free. Maybe invest in a single stock if you want a clear visual of cause and effect. Then, take what you have learned and apply it for your next bold decision.

Wow! That sounds like excellent advice! If you still have further questions, remember to check out the prior playthrough videos, and feel free to discuss further in the designated forum topic at Starmen.Net!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

How was the stream? Great, we're so glad you enjoyed. Now, let's cut the chit-chat! We know what you're really here for:

• Onett Police Force's Captain Strong has loosened up on his travel policies and has authorized passage between Onett and Twoson. This is great for tourists and the like, but not so much for Road & Block's Construction Signage (RDBK). They've taken a huge financial blow, seeing as the town of Onett no longer requires their services.
• Up-and-coming inventors and competitors Orange Kid and Apple Kid have been trying to get their new inventions off the ground. Reports suggest that both have been letting strangers into their homes to ask for donations, and while we'd like to question the methodology, if it works for them, it works for us! Both the boys have successfully garnered large waves of funding, greatly inflating the stock prices of their respective companies, Orange - by Orange Kid (ORNG) and Apple Kid Inventions (APPL). Granted, ORNG has seen a devastating crash upon the rollout of what he's dubbing the "Super Orange Machine", but that'll resolve itself in time, we're sure! That Orange Kid's got some spunk to him, he'll figure something out!
• Huge news, folks! Upon returning Mr. Carpainter to sound mind, Happy Happy Postcards (HPPY) has undergone a complete rebranding. The company has since transitioned into Peaceful Rest Postcards (PCE). They've formerly suffered quite the substantial crash, dropping from $366 to $197, but since this new marketing approach, they seem to be slowly crawling their way back up! As of writing, Peaceful Rest Postcards (PCE) is worth $208 per share.

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Evening, investors. As you may have heard, heavenchai—tonight's Earthbound Funktastic Gameplay Summer 2024 stream host—underwent a power outage at their residence, and was unable to stream today. We've been informed that the fun will continue tomorrow at 6 p.m. PT/9 p.m. ET.

The only thing we value more than our partnership with Starmen.Net is your time. So, as compensation, we at PorcBanc™ have deposited 50 crisp genuine Eagleland Dollars (ELD) into each of your accounts! Please don't get mad at us!

- John, accounting

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Hello gamers! We hope you all caught the recent stream! We here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk have been working around the clock to deliver the latest stock price updates for you!

• Due to an unprecedented increase in demand for storage-delivery service solutions, Escargo Express (ESCX)'s stock price has surged! It's currently sitting at a strong $709.
• A young boy in Onett suffered multiple heavy concussions, creating high demand for medical services in the area. As such, InvestiHealth Medical (MEDI), the corporate parent of the local Onett Hospital, has seen high profits as well, fomenting investor interest and raising their stock price.
• Thanks to the industrious efforts of their famous police department, a series of barricades have been constructed throughout Onett. Due to increased publicity, the manufacturer of these barricades, Road & Block's Construction Signage (RDBK), saw their stock price massively shoot up as a result.
• A sudden influx of calls led to a payday for International Payphone Provisions (PHN) investors, who saw their stock price spike at one point due to high demand.

Missed catching the stream live? No problem! Check out the stream archive on YouTube!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more stock price updates from your premium friends here at the PorcoTrade™ news desk!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Friends, forum members, investors...

We'd like to extend our most heartfelt gratitude to everyone who submitted name suggestions for the first Earthbound Funktastic Gameplay Summer stream being put on by our Official Forum Partner™, Starmen.net!

As a way of saying "thank you," all PorcoTrade™ investors who posted a name submission in this forum thread have received a free gift valued at $250, courtesy of PorcBanc™!

As official sponsors of this event, PorcBanc™ urges everyone not to forget to catch the first stream, happening RIGHT NOW at www.twitch.tv/StarmanClub! We'll see you there, or else!

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.

Feel like you're missing out on indispensable information? Financial uncertainty bogging your spirits down? Boar-ed? Fortunately for you, valued customer, we at PorcBanc™ are proud to announce the implementation of a much-needed QOL feature: the news! Navigate to the "news" tab at any time to catch up on the latest from PorcBanc™, PorcoTrade™, and other brand-affiliated properties. We'll keep you up-to-date on new developments so you'll never miss a beat when competing with your fellow investors as you rise to the top of the economic ladder!

PorcoTrade™ News. Real journalism, straight from the trough.

This installment of PorcoTrade™ News has received the official PorcBanc™ squeal of approval.